CHICKENSHIT WHITE BOYS

You've probably heard all about it by now - a trio of brain-dead punks with nothing better to do attacked a local landscaper outside McDonalds. The video has been on and off YouTube, but now that the media has picked it up, it's all over the place (google "racist attack Courtenay" and take your pick).

It seems these heros decided to harass this guy from their truck, yelling insults and threats as he walked past minding his own business. When he had the audacity to respond, they bailed out and surrounded him. What a pathetic display - it's apparent from the video that these losers were sharing one set of balls between the three of them. If any of them had tried it one-on-one, he would have been crying like a little girl and calling the man "sir" in about thirty seconds flat.

As it was, the victim was defending himself admirably until he had the bad luck to slip and fall, then they were all on him, kicking, punching and screaming obscenities. It reminded me of a Wild Kingdom episode with a pack of baboons or hyenas, except animals have the excuse of not knowing any better.

Now because the victim of this crime happened to be black, people are yelling racism. I don't think that's the case - he could just as easily have been gay, homeless, Asian or even a fat white kid - any excuse would have done for a bunch of little boys trying to (unsuccessfully) to prove their (nonexistent) manhood.

Some people are saying it's the victim's own fault for responding to their initial verbal assault. Really? You mean hardworking respectable citizens are supposed to just shut up and take crap when confronted by a bunch of lowlifes? Reinforce their appalling behavior by letting them get away with it? Turn the other cheek and all that? If he had ignored them and gone home and reported it to the police, what do you think would have happened? Yeah, exactly. Nothing. They just would have had more confidence built up for the next time because there were no consequences.

I'm glad he had enough self-respect to defend himself, and I'm surprised and disappointed that no bystanders intervened. Do we just let this stuff happen, no one say anything, just walk by and pretend we didn't see? Don't get involved? Are we that big-city yet?

Either way, it was a stupid move, boys. After pulling a stunt like this, it might not be prudent to leave the house alone for a while. Not because of some perceived threat of retaliation from the black community, but because of outrage on the part of anyone recognizing you from the video. How sad for you that cowardly performance was caught on tape for all the world to see. I'm not saying you 'll get beat up (very few people are as stupid as you), but it's going to be uncomfortable and embarrassing, especially for your poor parents. Did you even think about that when you were acting like such supreme jackasses? They must be really proud - I feel sorry for them. Now, thanks to the internet, you have managed to embarrass not only your parents and relatives, but your entire community. Way to go.

$USTAINABILITY $CAM

Greetings, Comrades! Good news! Our wise and benevolent local government has come up with glorious plans to save us from ourselves! For a mere $340,000.00, the CVRD has hired an out-of-town planning company to come in and tell us how to live. The Green Socialist Manifesto (oops, I mean draft 3 of the Comox Valley $ustainability $trategy) is 80 pages long and available online at the CVRD website. I would heartily recommend that you take a look at it, and while you're there it wouldn't hurt to take a gander at how much we pay the staff to sit around all day picking their noses and rejecting septic tank permits.

This $ustainability $trategy is just bristling with wonderful green ideas, like cramming us all into cheap multifamily housing in town (a developer's dream), taking cars away from 85% of us, and forcing us to use mass transit. Oh yes, I'm sure that I will enjoy sitting on the bus with the winos and crackheads who will be infesting these future ghettos, but the plans include lots of "greenspace" conveniently located so the criminals can mug me on my way home from the bus stop. After all, bad guys have to make a living too - equal employment opportunities and all that.

We are also going to reduce our carbon footprint in a big way. In fact, the CVRD is so dedicated to this that they're planning to send a couple of their henchmen (make that loyal employees) on a free trip to China to explain to the Chinese people how wonderfully the green agenda is working in the Valley. That should reduce those pesky CO2 emissions all right - if they're planning to walk, bike, or take the bus. Excuse me, but isn't this a bit redundant? I mean, it's CHINA, for God's sake - they already KNOW how to be communists!

They'd also like us to reduce our energy and water use by 50%. Yes, I can see it now: after a fulfilling day of attending sustainability workshops, volunteering for community projects and memorizing the quotations of Chairman Mao, I can pick up my ration of organic tofu, shove it into my recyclable bag knitted from armpit hairs and trudge home to my hovel in the inner city. Then I could enjoy a fun night of squatting around in the dark smelling my own feet - with 50% reduction in water use, it won't be long before we all smell so bad you won't be able to tell us from the environmentalists.

Maybe we should reduce our crapping by 50% too. That would be a great waste-management strategy. We could even do offsets - constipated folks could sell their crap credits to people with diarrhea. There you have it: Mrs. Pelican's Crap and Trade program. Think I could get a grant for that?

PS: Take a look at what the Fraser Institute has to say about "Smart Growth". It's not pretty.

AND NOW THE NEWS

Shout it from the rooftops! Third swine flu death in Canada! Same crap, different pile. Third person to die. All three had chronic preexisting conditions, this one had even been in the hospital "for some time" before his death. Yet the headline is CANADA REPORTS THIRD SWINE FLU DEATH. Some people just scan headlines so - mission accomplished - there will be people out there believing that the swine flu is lethal.

How about some honesty? How about SWINE FLU NOT KILLING HEALTHY PEOPLE IN CANADA? Why are they beating this thing to death? A sick man dies, and just because he happened to pick up the swine flu virus on his way out, we're supposed to believe that's what did him in. If he just happened to have athlete's foot too, did that kill him? Betcha if the fearmongers were promoting an athlete's foot pandemic, it would have been at least a "major contributing factor".

The World Health Organization is still trying to drum up business, saying the swine flu is going to get more severe and kill more people. Wow! More! At last count it has killed 115 people in 62 countries. Omigod, that's almost two people per country!!! Run for you lives!!! I wonder how many people world-wide died from athlete's foot complications?

So why the fuss? Let's see, could it be the billion dollars the U.S. is putting into "fighting" it? Or the 32 million Japan is planning to spend? How about Sanofi-Pasteur, Novartis, Baxter, or GlaxoSmithKline? Think they're going to make any money by selling flu shots? Drug companies did pretty good off the bird flu scare - in fact Roche still has three million packages of Tamiflu (an antiviral) stockpiled in anticipation (or hope) of some great pandemic. Heaven forbid that stuff should expire, there goes the gosh-darn profits. But if everyone can be sufficiently alarmed and convinced that we need to get vaccinated, I'm sure they can more than make up for any losses.

What I can't believe is all the media attention this is getting, considering the pitiful evidence they have to present. How do you make something like this into a big scary deal? Misleading headlines? Opinions obscuring facts? Guesswork? A whole pile of could, would, might, maybe, possibly? It worked for Al Gore, but you'd think maybe the media would grow a collective pair  and actually present facts without putting the alarmist spin on things and catering to the current groupthink. No wonder newspapers are going out of business.

THE DEER HUNTER

Wow, long time no blog. Finally, finally, FINALLY getting over the awful flu. Of course, I couldn't be lucky enough to get the cool trendy SWINE flu, where you get a few days of sniffles and your picture in the paper. Oh no, I get stuck with the cheap-ass, low-budget three-week long horkorama that is the ORDINARY flu. No fame. No glory. Just dirty looks from the cat when my coughing into the wee hours disturbs his beauty rest by dislodging him from my pillow. That's one nasty cough - I think my left lung is in a landfill somewhere along with 40 boxes of generic tissues. But I'm all better now.

Unfortunately, while I was occupied with trying to keep my lungs on the inside of my body, my garden woke up and realized winter was over. Everything immediately started growing like crazy (everything being weeds), which was the signal for the deer to come in and start eating the good stuff, like the apple tree.

This awoke the primal instinct in the old man (mighty hunter), who decided to show those effin deer who's the boss, once and for all. Well, he underwent several changes of persona during this little episode. First he was Elmer Fudd, with his trusty musket, vowing to get rid of not only the effin deer, but the wascally wabbits as well. Number of deer eliminated by this process: zero.

Deciding to scale back the technology a bit, he morphed into Hiawatha, stalking the wily forest-dwellers with his crossbow. Number of deer killed: zero, although several of the rabbits looked slightly nervous.

Being persistent, if not very accurate, he then took up the Dennis the Menace approach, and, armed with a bag of marbles from the dollar store, stood in the yard taking pot shots at them with a slingshot. The deer seemed to like this, as it gave them something to look at while they were finishing off the clematis.

When he was finally reduced to becoming Og the cave man and hurling rocks and invective at them, I realized that it might just be an opportune time to (once again) broach the (touchy) subject of finishing off that deer fence. Amazingly enough, he agreed. " Yes. Too hard kill effin deer. Og do fence now. Woman right". Ah, evolution.

CRYING WOLF (OR PIG)

God help us all, now it's the friggin swine flu. Again. People just aren't panicking enough about co2, climate change or terrorism, so how about a big fat nasty GLOBAL PANDEMIC? That oughta get the public's attention.

There's no shortage of photo-ops, what with people walking around like jackasses in their Michael Jackson masks, trying to avoid the seething pestilence emanating from their fellow human beings. Although a determined virus could probably get through one of those low-tech masks if it really wanted to. People would actually be better off wearing sunglasses, because (little-known fact) the virus is more likely to infect you through your eyes (nice moist surface, no natural barrier) than your nose or mouth. And you'd still get to look like Michael Jackson. Only not as creepy. 

The first figures I heard on the subject estimated almost 2000 cases in Mexico, with 150 suspected deaths. If that's not cause for alarm, I don't know what is (except maybe George's being closed when you're dying for a mushroom cheese deluxe). China and Russia were alarmed, and banned import of pork from Mexico and even some parts of the U.S.  I have no idea why - what self-respecting flu virus is going to hang around in a piece of dead pork? Egypt even ordered the slaughter of 300,000 pigs, even though they haven't had one case there.

The latest figures are far less scary: there have been no deaths outside Mexico with the exception of one child who had just arrived in the States from there, and most patients outside the country have only had mild symptoms. Of the original suspected deaths in Mexico, 58 were found to have died from other causes, 16 deaths are confirmed, and the rest are still being looked into. So this big scary flu epidemic is looking about par for the course as far as flu outbreaks go. In that case, why discourage flying to Mexico? Why ban their pork? Is someone pissed off at Mexico for some reason that I don't know about?

Not one to miss a spending opportunity, President Obama has asked Congress for 1.5 billion (yes, that's billion) dollars to fight the swine flu problem. Man, this guy has some serious money management issues. After all the spending on climate change, fighting terrorism, going green, handing out bail-outs and flying in pizza, he's got to be getting a little short. Maybe what he should be fighting is his urge to spend taxpayers money on nonexistent problems. Of course, part of this money would go to developing a new flu vaccine, which should be ready by about the time this has all blown over. Not that I'd rush out and get a flu shot anyway, the only benefit I can see from a flu vaccine is to make money for some drug company.

And let's not forget the previous swine flu scare of the seventies - predictions of a dire health emergency led to a massive vaccination campaign, resulting in hundreds of people suffering severe side effects including paralysis and death. In fact, there were more adverse effects from the vaccinations than from the great pandemic that never materialized. But hey, if you can declare co2 a dangerous substance and use it to justify taxes,  maybe you can declare a run-of-the-mill flu outbreak a major health emergency and justify mandatory flu shots. It wouldn't surprise me.

Everything's a crisis these days - we must ACT NOW and, more importantly, we must spend money on averting the current catastrophe.  People have become desensitized to the fear-mongering and instead of going into panic mode over the latest lurid headline, they are more apt to yawn and turn to the sports section. Biased reporting and sensationalism have caused a lot of folks to be skeptical of what they hear in the news, and many of us dismiss alarming headlines until we've checked it out on the internet. This mistrust of the mainstream media's habit of crying wolf has it's own repercussions - it creates the very real possibility that, in the event of a genuine emergency, people might not be inclined to take it seriously. And that could lead to a REAL crisis.

(DON'T) SHOW ME THE MONEY

Well, the business world has finally achieved the pinnacle of salesmanship - we now have the privilege of actually being able to purchase a product that doesn't exist. In fact, it's even better than that - we can buy a NEGATIVE quantity of something, which certainly solves the problem of manufacturers running out of stock.

I was looking at my weather site this morning, hoping that global warming was coming soon to my yard (which is stubbornly refusing to get with the program and warm up), when I noticed a "climate change" section. Of course, I had to have a peek - my, my, what a surprise: an infomercial from an alarmist website explaining how you can spend your (real) money to buy (not real) carbon credits. Sounds like a deal to me, you know how annoying it is to have all that extra money laying around and getting in the way. A big whack of carbon credits, being invisible and all, would take up much less space in my wallet.

Working on the premise that the potential buyer is in the habit of buying swampland in Florida and has recently had a lobotomy, the information is presented very simply. First it explains that everything you do produces carbon dioxide ( you know, that stuff that makes plants grow and supports life on Earth?) and that you are ruining the planet. But there is hope - you can purchase magic "carbon offsets" and thereby negate the environmental impact of your farts or whatever.

Yes, if you just send a bunch of money to some guy you've never met, you can light your BBQ with a clear conscience. In fact, if you're disgustingly rich, you can emit all the co2 you want. Al Gore could fly a jet to Costa Rica, take a crap in the rainforest and still have enough carbon credits left over to wipe his ass with non-recycled toilet paper. But hey, he's rich. We're not, so you just better do your part and quit idling in the McDonald's drive-thru. You filthy polluter.

Next we are told to prepare for the inevitability of greenhouse gas regulation and taxation. Hold on a minute there, not quite so fast - that's what the profiteers are trying for, but there is a lot of opposition. People are so bent about BC's carbon tax that the NDP (who normally love Ministries of Regulating Everything) have made repealing it one of their most popular campaign promises.

Of course, they plan to replace it with an even more devastating cap-and-trade scheme, but they're desperate for votes, right? Good luck with that. It's funny, all this fuss about co2 when water vapor is the major greenhouse gas. Wonder when they'll get around to making money off that?

Anyway, the infomercial goes on to tell us that not all carbon offsets are created equal. Price varies, and the "high-quality" ones are better, so you are encouraged to shop around. Yes folks, do some bargain hunting - you want to get the best nothing for your dollar, don't you? I mean, I'd feel real stupid if I paid a high price for nothing when I could have got it on sale.

How the heck do they plan to keep inventory on this? How many times could a company sell the same carbon credit? When your stock is non-existent, how do you know if some is missing?I guess we should be more trusting, everyone knows it's for our own good. Just send the money and don't worry your little wooly head about it.

I have an idea - I'll buy carbon credits, but in keeping with the spirit of the times, I'll purchase them with "lifestyle credits" instead of money. I can use the $40 I didn't spend at the casino last week. Yes, and the $12.95 I saved when I passed up that chocolate cheesecake at Thrifty's (I'm actually regretting that one). How about all the money I don't spend on crack? Do I get double credit for money I don't lend to my kids because they only pay me back half the time? The math is getting complicated here, but I can see where axe-murderers and armed robbers could really make a killing, so to speak. By purchasing "criminal lifestyle" credits and refraining from acts of mayhem, they could help to reduce "social pollution". Now, where's my Nobel Prize?

Excellent info site: ilovecarbondioxide.com  ( look at:  co2 facts)

EARTH HOUR UPDATE

Apparently I haven't been giving the folks in our fine valley enough credit - there are WAY more sensible people here than I thought. When I heard Big Brother reminding me through the WalMart speakers to remember to turn off my lights for Earth Hour, I thought to myself: this tears it - now a DEPARTMENT STORE is nagging me about global warming? Has everyone gone completely nuts? I was so depressed I had to buy two giant Aero bars to console myself.

Oh, the stupidity of it all - as I looked out my window in April at the snow-covered fields, I had pretty much given up hope that there were any rational people left on the planet. Then last night I read the local paper. I could hardly believe it - Headline: Valley Shines Bright During Earth Hour! Yes, electrical consumption in the valley actually INCREASED 1.3% during the event! Not only that but province-wide, the lights-out response was only half of that recorded last year! Yes! People are wising up to the scam and, even more important, are sending a message: up yours, you money-grubbing, co2-taxing profiteers - we do not buy the lie!

Of course, like a typical brainwashed Gore-worshipper, the local organizer of the event tried to ignore reality by saying that some people might have forgotten (yeah, right), and that the increased energy use during Earth Hour was "not the point". How ridiculous - it was EXACTLY the point. People are fed up with the bullshit and they showed it, in a big way. Think how many people must have turned their lights on to not only compensate for the idiots who sat around in the dark burning candles (which, by the way, are up to 100 times less efficient than light bulbs and produce 10-100 times more indoor air pollution), but to actually INCREASE the energy use. The irony is that the candle-burners probably did more damage to the environment.

But that's typical - most global warming believers have not bothered to find out anything about the real pollution issues or the economic and human damages caused by this so-called crisis that was invented to line the pockets of the rich. They just watch one movie starring Lardbutt McScammer and get sucked in, then go around feeling all smug and self-righteous and expect the rest of us to follow suit, feel guilty, and throw money at the government.

Haven't they figured out that the scientists who disagree with the global warming/co2 theory have nothing to gain by their statements - the ones that promote it are all depending on the program to provide funding, political gain, and money through taxation and investment in the carbon control business. They have a trillion good reasons to lie - the dissenters don't. Not hard to figure out who's more likely to be honest. Al Gore and the IPCC have been caught lying and providing false information to the public (Chris Horner's book "Red Hot Lies" gives some good background on this), but it doesn't seem to matter to the truly converted.

Locally, it was a great moment for the climate realists, and it got even better when I saw the letter to the editor from a man giving his opinion on the climate hoax (loved the part where he compared global warming alarmists to lemmings!). I haven't felt such a sense of community spirit in years. And pleasant surprise that our local paper doesn't predigest our news for us or refuse to print politically incorrect viewpoints like some of the larger ones do.

Anyway, enough gloating - suffice it to say that I was so surprised and elated that I had renewed hope for the future - rational thought seems to be prevailing. I even went out and gardened today. In my friggin PARKA! But hey, it was my way of (belatedly) celebrating Earth Hour.

Best climate information site: algorelied.com  (lots of links to other good sites)

You Tube: Not Evil Just Wrong - trailer for upcoming movie showing the true cost of climate hysteria

New book: Red Hot Lies by C. Horner explains the politics and deception behind the global warming issue