Well, the business world has finally achieved the pinnacle of salesmanship - we now have the privilege of actually being able to purchase a product that doesn't exist. In fact, it's even better than that - we can buy a NEGATIVE quantity of something, which certainly solves the problem of manufacturers running out of stock.
I was looking at my weather site this morning, hoping that global warming was coming soon to my yard (which is stubbornly refusing to get with the program and warm up), when I noticed a "climate change" section. Of course, I had to have a peek - my, my, what a surprise: an infomercial from an alarmist website explaining how you can spend your (real) money to buy (not real) carbon credits. Sounds like a deal to me, you know how annoying it is to have all that extra money laying around and getting in the way. A big whack of carbon credits, being invisible and all, would take up much less space in my wallet.
Working on the premise that the potential buyer is in the habit of buying swampland in Florida and has recently had a lobotomy, the information is presented very simply. First it explains that everything you do produces carbon dioxide ( you know, that stuff that makes plants grow and supports life on Earth?) and that you are ruining the planet. But there is hope - you can purchase magic "carbon offsets" and thereby negate the environmental impact of your farts or whatever.
Yes, if you just send a bunch of money to some guy you've never met, you can light your BBQ with a clear conscience. In fact, if you're disgustingly rich, you can emit all the co2 you want. Al Gore could fly a jet to Costa Rica, take a crap in the rainforest and still have enough carbon credits left over to wipe his ass with non-recycled toilet paper. But hey, he's rich. We're not, so you just better do your part and quit idling in the McDonald's drive-thru. You filthy polluter.
Next we are told to prepare for the inevitability of greenhouse gas regulation and taxation. Hold on a minute there, not quite so fast - that's what the profiteers are trying for, but there is a lot of opposition. People are so bent about BC's carbon tax that the NDP (who normally love Ministries of Regulating Everything) have made repealing it one of their most popular campaign promises.
Of course, they plan to replace it with an even more devastating cap-and-trade scheme, but they're desperate for votes, right? Good luck with that. It's funny, all this fuss about co2 when water vapor is the major greenhouse gas. Wonder when they'll get around to making money off that?
Anyway, the infomercial goes on to tell us that not all carbon offsets are created equal. Price varies, and the "high-quality" ones are better, so you are encouraged to shop around. Yes folks, do some bargain hunting - you want to get the best nothing for your dollar, don't you? I mean, I'd feel real stupid if I paid a high price for nothing when I could have got it on sale.
How the heck do they plan to keep inventory on this? How many times could a company sell the same carbon credit? When your stock is non-existent, how do you know if some is missing?I guess we should be more trusting, everyone knows it's for our own good. Just send the money and don't worry your little wooly head about it.
I have an idea - I'll buy carbon credits, but in keeping with the spirit of the times, I'll purchase them with "lifestyle credits" instead of money. I can use the $40 I didn't spend at the casino last week. Yes, and the $12.95 I saved when I passed up that chocolate cheesecake at Thrifty's (I'm actually regretting that one). How about all the money I don't spend on crack? Do I get double credit for money I don't lend to my kids because they only pay me back half the time? The math is getting complicated here, but I can see where axe-murderers and armed robbers could really make a killing, so to speak. By purchasing "criminal lifestyle" credits and refraining from acts of mayhem, they could help to reduce "social pollution". Now, where's my Nobel Prize?
Excellent info site: ilovecarbondioxide.com ( look at: co2 facts)
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