My goodness, it's been forever since I last blogged - I've been busy annoying the greenolas in the local paper and just haven't had the time to put together a decent blog. I still don't so I'm going to post a funny thing the old man just unearthed. I wrote it for him a few years back after recovering from a nasty bout of the flu, during which time my significant other was, shall we say, less than outstanding in his role as compassionate caregiver:
TAYLOR'S GUIDE TO SPOUSAL CAREGIVING
1) Under no circumstances admit that the sick person is actually sick. Pretend that they are faking it to get out of their miserable existence of slaving for you.
2) Do not do any of the routine chores, as this could cause the sick person to become spoiled and expect you to do so at some future date, in the event that they recover.
3) Absolutely do not look after pets or livestock because you know that no matter how sick the patient is, she will get up off her deathbed to do this. There is no reason for you to miss "Xena, Warrior Maiden" on this account.
4) If desperate, you may prepare your own meal: however, do not even consider making tea or taking in a glass of water to your ailing spouse, you are enough of a hero for making your own food so she does not have to get up and do it. The ungrateful old bag should appreciate this heroic effort on your part.
5) Let the dishes and laundry pile up, this gives the little woman something to do between coughing fits.
6) Complain loudly about her coughing - it isn't polite to keep you awake just because she can't breathe. Call her rude names like "behemoth" and "narwhal", and mock her with animal imitations.
7) Demand sex - the sick person couldn't possibly feel any worse.
Yep, that was a few years ago, but it still makes me laugh.
Bahahahahahahaahah.
ReplyDeleteOh Jim, you are a class act.